It's been a while since I've written. Partially because life just gets SO BUSY. Partially because...I sometimes wonder about the benefits vs. drawbacks of potentially sharing my personal life experiences with the world...and partially because...so much has gone on...and my infinite mind just...can't seem to figure out how to put into words the experiences I am having.
But I wanted to drop in, just to say (at least to myself and the one person who may or may not read this) that I AM alive. I am well. I am most definitely blessed.
The lesson in life for me lately has been 1-to slow down (that's been one of my life lessons for several years now) 2- make time for what matters most. 3- When in doubt, ask God, be willing to accept His answer and trust in His blessings that will follow.
Life for me tends to work in this kind of cycle. As the year starts, I Get pumped about setting priorities and accomplishing goals. I put those ducks in order, work hard to prepare for action date and then I GO. As I'm going...I start dreaming...and sometimes I start putting all those dreams into action. Amazing, Fun dreams that I love. Then, events start piling up- invitations to fun activities, etc. I fill up my days with more stuff. And then...I start to realize my life is pretty busy...so busy in fact that it may be...too busy. But I keep going...why? Because it's SO MUCH FUN. Then...people start going on vacations, or they get sick, or we get sick, or we just take a little break...and during that break...I start thinking. Thinking about what's most important in my life. And pretty soon I realize I have filled my life with so much STUFF that my capacity to tackle those most important things, those foundational things, is being compromised. So what do I do? I get humble...I ask myself what I really need in my life and what things I need to let go of? sometimes this is easy...other times...not so easy.
Recently...I chose to let go of a long-term commitment that I thought was so wonderful, dreamy, fun, fulfilling. This commitment supported my social life with friends, my creativity and the joy of being a part of something bigger than myself, and the best part, it involved my kids and was enhancing their lives as well. When noise quieted down...and I was left to myself after the summer craze...preparing to start the next school year again and jump into this commitment I made...something...just kept knocking on my door. Questions. Day after day, questions kept coming to my mind like: "is this really the best thing for me and my family right now?" I enjoyed this commitment so much I determined it was the best thing...because that's what I wanted it to be. But with each passing day, and finally each passing month...as summer came closer and closer to it's end...I felt less and less certain about whether this was really the best thing for my family. Friends were relying on me. I had already made a commitment to Head this up for the year. I had already began making plans, setting dates, preparing materials, etc. for this. I was in GO mode...but...my heart...was resisting. Somewhere deep inside a little voice knew better. The more I spoke to others about this exciting commitment...the more I felt that this was NOT the direction I needed to be in right now. The need to step away from this commitment became clearer and clearer with each passing day...and yet...I was still trying to hold onto what I knew deep inside was not what my family needed at the time.
After some heart-to-heart experiences, some deep pondering, some weighing of pros and cons, some prayer and counseling with my husband and children...I knew without certainty that I needed to say goodbye to this commitment. It was a sobering experience. Aside from having to break the news to my friends- whom, by the way, were so supportive and loving of my decision- I had to allow myself to experience the grief of letting go of what I thought was best.
Here's the amazing thing about this-I've been alive long enough to know, that when I make hard decisions like this...blessings inevitably come...blessings that are far greater than what I could have created on my own. At that, though I may be missing the old...I can say with certainty...I'm happy and grateful for the New. For the peace, serenity and fulfilling experiences that will inevitably come as a result of taking a brave step into the dark- yes, a step in the dark, yet- a step in the right direction. And right ALWAYS leads to more LIGHT, clarity, peace and truth.
Take care.
Signed,
Me
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