Strong Enough

I like to think we all experience (or will experience) some significant trials in our lives that bring us to our knees, sometimes begging for reprieve. Here's a poem I wrote about the mental, emotional and spiritual journey in my quest for healing. Hope you find strength in reading it and applying it to your own circumstances. 

Just how strong are you?

They asked 

Just what can you do?

You're not enough

Some Said 

I'm through with you.

When I started to crumble

And wondered, what's next, 

I learned a lesson 

I'll never forget.

I'd been waiting for blessings

Waiting to heal

But the answer 

Within 

was that I needed to feel

In order to love.

I needed the pain

In order to gain, 

To understand 

and to give. 

Like a savior on mount Zion,

Then I'd truly learn to live.

I waited for healing

I wondered how long

When will my miracle come? 

I knew, through Christ, the victory could be won.

I knew also that His will would be done.

I knew my faith, if it didn't kill me, 

would only bring me closer 

to The living Son

The son of God, Christ 

our Savior, 

Our advocate

And...

our healer. 

He, the only one. 

Blessings and answers to prayers 

promised the miracle that still wasn't there. 

I hoped and I waited and I climbed every day, to get to the place I knew I needed to stay. 

Then grief and loss got in the way...

I could have kept going, 

could have kept holding strong ...

But instead I let it cause me to sway. 

When?! I plead. Will my miracle come? 

I can't wait any longer 

I'm about to Fall to bar-none. 

Desperation came.

No solace to the soul.

Some days I anchored hard and didn't let go

Other days I tired out, gave what I could 

And the rest I let fall. 

Such simple things, why wasn't I up for the task? 

What was wrong with me?

I wondered. 

Why can't I get past

The pain, the agony, the heartache 

That's Holding me back? 

I want something more 

And I want something now. 

But alas...this is where I'm at. 

Within my heart I cried out so loud that the world could have heard me...

Outside I whispered and no one heard 

Or no one knew how to come to the aid 

Of a quieted owl, ...just a whispering bird.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout.

I knew I was spiraling downward without a doubt. 

I knew God was with me but I still couldn't see

Where He was taking me

And why I wasn't yet free. 

One day it occurred to me to ask 

Has this miracle already come (and gone)? 

Am I just looking past, searching beyond, 

Missing the mark, so to speak? 

Reaching above what has already been done?

I began to wonder if it was always right in front of me and I just never could see because I was living for hope,

living to be free, living for healing 

rather than living for Christ,

who had died for me. 

I began to think that the wind in the trees by the passing breeze, the warm sun and the cool nights, the stars in the sky, the childrens's gentle cries, were all a testament of the promise He had already given me- when He took His life. There I surmised that many times He's held me- lifted my burdens, held up my pain- so that I couldn't even feel the pouring rain. I'd felt His power enfold me when I didn't give up,

when I'd sacrificed 

in little moments, before letting myself 

think twice. 

Perhaps His miracle is already here,

I thought, 

I just needed to open my eyes. 

Perhaps all my pains haven't been taken from me (because)

Perhaps He knows there's a greater prize. 

As I pondered this reality- And reflected on those times where I felt 

I couldn't go on, 

that I'd been left to sink- and how somehow I'd made it out strong,

I felt a whisper in my heart:

You're strong enough. 

Stronger 

Than 

You 

Think. 

-Signed, Me

May 20, 2018 Sunday