As inconsequential as this experience may seem, I felt it was worth sharing...cuz It might just be a game changer for you too!
Who knows, maybe you'll be able to look back and say "thanks to that post years ago...I'm much better off." My Hope and goal in sharing this is that I may bless the lives of others around me, even if that only ends up being one life, hopefully yours.
Alright...these past few months (well actually this year) has been...quite trying, to say the least. Blessed, but full of opposition. That's a part of life, right? In the scriptures we learn that Men are that they Might Have Joy. We also Learn that there must be opposition in ALL things in order for us to progress and truly experience joy. We can't experience joy without sorrow. It's just an inevitable part of life.
Let me give you an example of some of that opposition in my own life:
I'll be honest here (and I hope I don't offend anyone through my being open and vulnerable). I've had a few relationships come and go. It's a natural part of life. However, sometimes the process of letting go of a relationship -whether it be by choice (such as the ending of an unhealthy courtship) or whether it be completely outside of our power or control (such as in the extremely difficult circumstance of death)- sometimes letting go, though a part of the process of life, may seem unbearable at times. At least, that's the way it has felt for me. If you've been there, you know what i'm talking about.
Last night, I lay my head down in my pillow. As I lay there...I found myself participating in the usual...tensing my body...so as not to feel the negative and unwanted emotions that usually creep in when my mind is quieted and I'm done being a busy bee. In other words, I found myself, essentially...pushing out, or rather denying the heavy emotions that awaited me at the end of the day. However, this night, instead of continuing to repress those emotions I did something different. It's called: Mindfulness.
In my journey toward healing I have recently picked up the practice of mindfulness.
Mindfulness, essentially, is learning to become an observer of your own experience, without judgement. Take a flower, for example. You may notice a flower...become aware of your thoughts in regards to that flower. You tune in to your senses and become more aware of your physical experience: What does the Flower smell like? How does this flower feel when I touch it? How do I feel when I look at this flower? You tune in to your senses and the entirety of your experience. Essentially, the idea is that you learn to become fully present, over time and practice, not focused on the past and not concerned about the future AND not even concerned about what you should be experiencing. It's important to note, however, that mindfulness is not an attempt to become thoughtless and emotionless, rather it's becoming omnipresent with your reality, with the truth of your experience NOW...in every aspect.
Alright...so, night came...and unwanted feelings began to surface...feelings I wished would just GO AWAY! Have you ever felt that way? Overwhelmed by emotions, or just tired of experiencing all those negative feelings? The pain, the sorrow, the fear, the embarrassment...or even the anger? Whatever it is.Have you felt that? Once again...this is a part of our mortal experience, but sometimes it's just plain old hard. Since I was practicing mindfulness...I allowed myself to feel. I didn't push it away...I didn't try to tell myself I shouldn't be feeling that way. That I should be happy. I didn't even try convince myself everything was okay (even though I knew, logically, that it was). I didn't question my feeling. Instead, I stopped...and I listened.
I allowed those feelings to surface. It was so uncomfortable, to say the least. It felt heavy, deep and dark. It's easy now to see that I was experiencing a feeling called: Grief. I wanted so badly to, metaphorically, run away from this big feeling. Instead...I stuck with it. I noticed it. I let it be. I didn't fight it and eventually, I fell asleep.
Next thing I know...It's 4 in the morning and I'm waking up from a terrible dream. In this dream...I'm sobbing as I watch a relationship crumble before my eyes. Feelings of helplessness, confusion, grief, loneliness and abandonment come up. I'm reliving, essentially...the reality of an experience I recently had. Only this time, I'm allowing myself to feel every sensation and I'm honoring my own truth. I sit up in bed and I notice this dream. I don't judge. I don't wish I had gotten over this experience already (something I've often done in the past). I don't tell myself to just move on. I don't tell myself my emotions are wrong. I don't blame myself for the situation, either. I simply notice.
It seems so simple, but it wasn't until this experience that I even realized I wasn't listening to my emotions. Until this moment, I had believed I was doing a pretty good job of "honoring" my feelings...but I realize now I wasn't doing that at all.
Alright. So, I had this dream. I woke up...and I realized...those are MY feelings. All the feelings in that dream...that's how I really feel! Well DUH! right? But then I heard in my mind:
OWN those feelings. Let yourself feel those feelings. Own your truth! Be upset, if you need to. Be sad...even be angry for a moment, if you must. Let those feelings BE YOURS! Be true to the Experience you are having.For the first time in my life, in a whole new light, it became clear to me that it's okay to allow myself to feel...even, or especially, unwanted feelings...or feelings that seem to me to be "less-than-virtuous". In fact...I realized it's not only okay, It's necessary. Accepting, honoring and allowing my feelings, MY truth, My experience was empowering! Our feelings and associated experiences, I realized, are sacred and precious. They greatly affect who we are. They enable us to grow and become better people. They're not to be trampled on or mistreated. We must be careful not to throw them to swine, so to speak. That means, we need to be mindful of who we share our feelings with. We also need to respect and treat our feelings with kindness, patience and understanding.
While I was internalizing all of this, suddenly, an analogy came to my mind, of a Newborn baby crying. If I saw this newborn baby crying, I thought, would I turn to the baby and say...Stop being a baby. Be quiet. Stop crying. Or even...You're being over-dramatic. No Way! This baby has no idea what's going on. This baby can't talk, or walk or help him or herself. This baby is at the mercy of his or her caretaker. Instead, I would pick up that baby. I would hold that baby...and I would do whatever I could to meet those infant needs. I'd do everything I could to assure that little newborn that he or she was safe. I would comfort and sooth the little newborn as best as I could.
Our feelings are like a newborn child and we are the stewards, the parents of that newborn child. Just like a newborn, even if we know that everything is okay, our feelings don't know this. We have to respond to our feelings...and sooth those feelings...and gently teach those feelings that everything is going to be okay. We can't do that by ignoring, minimizing or shaming them. The power in this is that when we truly listen to our feelings, with compassion, our feelings are then provided a safe environment in which they feel enabled to let go of the sadness, grief, pain, or whatever negative emotion was troubling them. This is the process of letting go of emotions. We can't force emotions to leave...but we can allow them to be...and they will then choose to leave if we provide the correct, loving environment for them. Try it. I dare you. There's actually Science to back this up... but, I'll let you figure that out on your own, for the sake of time.
Next time you experience a negative emotion, first, recognize it. Listen to it. Don't judge it. Accept it. And watch what happens.
If you try this and find you're having a difficult time accepting those feelings, just notice that. After the moment has passed, maybe even ask yourself, Why? Why am I having a hard time accepting this emotion? Perhaps you've developed a negative belief system surrounding emotions such as: I am not safe expressing my true feelings or...Emotions make me weak. Whatever it is, notice it. Again, don't judge.
For me, I realized I had developed a negative belief: I am not safe with my emotions. I can tell you distinctly when I chose that belief. I was 7 or 8 years old. I was in school. My 3 closest friends walked up to me during lunch and began calling me names. Their name calling and snark facial expressions continued to build until (where, at first I thought they were just joking and being silly) I soon realized they were intentionally slashing my spirit. I was being bullied. I could not understand why. I felt confused and hurt. In my defense, I shouted a name back at all of them. The return was not in my favor. They tattled on me to the lunch supervisor. I was instructed by higher authority and disciplined. Later, after the repercussions of my foul language, these three girls came up to me and...never apologized. Instead...they forgave me. Then they made fun of me for my my inability to effectively offend them, attributing it to my unsophisticated use of language. In the end, I stayed friends with them, accepted their forgiveness, laughed when they made fun of me and moved on. I learned that day, that it was not safe for me to defend myself or even to feel those negative emotions...because it would only get me into more trouble, and could result in loneliness from the loss of frienship. I lived by that belief...for years, without even realizing it. Now, I can own my beliefs. I can change my beliefs. Now I know that I am safe to feel. I also know that I need to be careful who I share those feelings with. I understand that my feelings are a gift, that teach me and refine me, when I allow them to.
So we learn to accept and maybe even embrace the negative emotions. You may be wondering, but, we're taught no to dwell on negative emotions. You're right. We don't want to dwell on negative emotions. That will only lead us in a downward spiral toward depression and yuck. Accepting your emotions without judgement is far different than dwelling on them. When we dwell on emotions, we let the emotions drive our lives...we let the emotions dictate what we are going to do each day and how we are going to behave or respond to sittuations. When we accept the emotion...we recognize our feelings and we own them...but we don't let them own us! We liberate ourselves from the burden of our feelings when we accept accountability for the feelings that are ours!
This has been quite the lengthy post. I appreciate you reading and hope you've benefited. To conclude. I'd like to recap. First. Sometimes we experience negative emotions and its okay. It's a part of life. We're meant to have opposition in all things. We can't experience joy without sorrow or pain.
Next, we can learn to accept our emotions through a practice called Mindfulness. Our emotions are like a newborn baby. We need to treat them with care and respect. When we listen to our emotions we provide a safe environment for our emotions to resolve on their own...which then frees us from our negative feelings...allowing us to feel the positive repercussions of Power, ownership and accountability.
When we own our feelings, experiences and beliefs...we can then again experience Joy and Happiness as our negative emotions are freed. Sometimes it's difficult to allow hard emotions to settle within us. That's okay. Notice those conflicting sensations without judgement. Seek to understand why you are struggling to accept those feelings. Is there a negative belief system that you developed? Are you placing judgement upon yourself? Once you understand what's holding you back from feeling, you can make those necessary changes, which will enable you to accept them in your life.
Finally, accepting our emotions isn't just good, it's a necessary part of healing. Our emotions are a gift. They are a sacred part of life and we must be careful how we respond to them. We are best to listen to them, trust them, learn from them, appreciate them, Honor them. Then, when they are ready, they will flow through and out of us, allowing us to heal and progress, experiencing greater happiness and joy in our lives than ever before.
I hope this benefited you in some way. May your journey of healing be ever more present, beautiful and blessed.
Signed,
Me.
04/07/2018
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